Absolute of Watercolor
by Moro-moro
Summary: In the middle of the night, there comes a time where all lines are blurred. In that time, where the clarity of everyone is gone... Who are you? Introspective, Character-centric


**A/N**:_ I refuse for "Kira Cockroach" to be the only story I have for Death Note at the moment, and considering the ones I really wanna post can't be at the moment... I'm going for this one. Which I really do like, it just ended up more deep and philosophical than I wanted it to. Anyway! HI! This story will be about four, five chapters long... Just different insights to different characters with a life lesson at the end from Mello. Have fun! _

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**Chapter One: Doubt**

_There is no doubt in my mind until I think about it. _

That night, he couldn't sleep. Quietly, he reached down and pulled out the two things that would keep his sleepless night bearable. His personal computer and a sucker. Slowly, as to not wake the sleeping figure next to him, he unpackaged the light green orb of solid sugar and tangible liberation of physical weariness, while the other hand worked on turning on the computer. As the PC started up, he quickly turned off the sound, and typed in the encrypted password, accessing the files that kept him bound and at what he felt was an acceptable level of insanity and productivity.

Nothing was happening; rather, everything was happening, and it was of no interest to him. For the first time in his life, he was working a case that piqued not a shred of interest. Sure enough, it was interesting, but as of the moment, everything fizzled out, and was gone… He snorted, the bruise on his cheek throbbing as a reminder that it shouldn't really matter…

Without meaning to, he bit down and the candy cracked under his teeth. His tongue found the crevice in the smooth, slick surface of the sucker, easing the hardened sugar to break all the way off. Once successfully ceded, he pulled the rest of the candy away from his mouth, the rough edges brushing past that lightly scraped his lips, causing them to be sticky and sore. The slight flavor melted through his mouth, and he rolled it about on his tongue as he thought. His thumb and forefinger mimicked his tongue's actions, slowly rolling the plastic stick of the lollipop in a semi-circle, then back again, never finishing a complete hemisphere. An endless action, an unconscious reflection of his mental state. He was only alerted to his actions by the soft chime and tinkle of the chain that bound him to the current reason for his insomnia.

His eyes, trained now to the dark, stared endlessly at the pale, white-light glow of the laptop. It was late, far later than he expected, yet it was early as well. He knew everyone was asleep, that much was obvious. It was that time between day and night were the darkness blurs the lines of time. It was at this time when what fueled the purpose of his life occurred, when the watercolor grayness of the world clouded the peripherals of the world.

Crime… Without crime, justice would not exist. There would be nothing with which to compare the good to if there were no bad. Evil was necessary to the world's balance. Without it… the world would surely go blank and die, and there would be nothing to strive for, because there would be no goals. No "I never want to grow up like that", no ideals for the world to chase. That would be the surest demise of the world. This was something that L had long realized that Kira did not understand. And that is why he continued on this case— to bring justice upon someone who was truly evil, because they did not understand the reason its reason in the world and blindly continued on. He kept on killing, believing himself the embodiment of the righteous; it was almost as if Kira always lived in the gray-hours himself. And L was determined to set him straight and show him justice as well as the dawn.

But his quest had already killed people. A crime committed for justice negated the crime itself, right…? This task he had set upon himself had hurt people too, which is certainly a moral crime, if not a lawful one.

He raised the rest of the sucker to his lips, accessing the internet. Listlessly, he began searching online dictionaries for the definitions of his thoughts. He bit down hard, the candy cracking loudly under his teeth. He winced at the sound, and quickly chewed the fragments. He knew, no matter how loud it sounded, he would not awake his roommate; the boy, Light Yagami, was too deep in REM sleep to even notice.

Finally, he clicked 'enter' on the online-dictionary. He waited for a moment, and then scrolled down the results.

'_Justice:__ –noun- 1) Rightfulness or lawfulness, as of a claim or title. 2) The moral principal determining just conduct. 3) The administering of deserved punishment or reward. 4) The maintenance or administering of what is just by law…'_

He checked another; it said the same thing. And again, and again, L checked the definitions until the line between early and late was crossed, and it most definitely was early in the morning. His curiosity was now satiated, and the momentary doubt fled until the next sleepless night, curling deep in his mind, waiting for the chance to wander and fall prey to exhausted brainstorms.

He pulled his knees tighter to his chest, dropping his chin onto them. The definitions never wavered. They were solid, and they were the same always; once a word is defined, it cannot change its meaning. Just as when a mind is set to an absolute: there is no chance to turn back once that decision is made, you cannot stray.

His mind should never waver. He is to be an unconditional, he is always the reality of the world, the embodiment of the stress and sleepless nights that must be there to achieve the justice the world needs. He is to be… an absolute.

He is good, and Kira is evil. That is all there is to it; a black and white contrast to the watercolor world. But in the hours where time blurs to an undefined standstill and the graying of the night would smear his thoughts… He wavers just a little, and tinges his thoughts with a little black.


End file.
